Legacy & the Ego

Growing up in this life with a narcissist as my soul's first guide and false protector I became fully aware at the very beginning of life what destroyed ego can do to all things within and around it. I was also very aware that love is never fully extinguished in this battle. Perhaps the narcissist more than any other human personality type is imminently aware of love , the lack and immense desire for it.

My narcissist rooted any self worth on what he felt the outside world perceived him as. Was he successful and strong? , did he prove his worth to everyone?, worth of being and worth of admiration? The constant cycle of narcissist never feeling full on either because these identifiers can not be contingent outside of you , they must exist from within in pure form.

My narcissist had an extremely unloving mother who I'm sure 💯 was broken from generation before , and on and on ... also broken from this unlove and legacy of darkness brought on more darkness. As a young teenager he was involved in the accidental death of his best friend , another self loathing layer and need to fight through never having skills or support to process the tragedy. Just shame and hiding.

My mother also had this legacy dilemma - how would she be seen through her families history. My mothers family are more predominant in cultural history than my father, they have a national legacy. My mother felt need to boast to combat my father's ego, however I never felt the boast from her family. Humble and loving , that's all I ever felt. They were not taught ego , it wasn't in danger. Healthy ego supports life in awareness of our humanness, it thrives on forgiveness and growth. My mother was infected by unhealthy ego , the need to survive in environment; to me equally irritatingly weak in their roar.

Both these figure fixated on numbers that would attend their funeral. I can't tell you how many times I heard "who will come to your funeral " with my attitude , to me always utterly hilarious , their choices being dictated by moments they've left this world not for the moments they were living in this world. Living against personal truth for collective ego is how I saw both of them for various reasons.

I'd love to continue discount my father's influence on my life as far as healthy love is concerned...... I definitely feel the foundation I carried since childhood is rooted in my maternal legacy , rooted in my soul, but if anything the challenge of his persona helped me to cling harder to it. I also know I see his struggle and his heartbreak. He never spoke truer words to me than "I don't know why I do what I do."

When we don't challenge those we love in a compassionate healthy way through love we only create more ego. The ego must defend the soul just as our bodies defend the organs and life when put in threatening situations. When we leave our parental phase we are left in life with the voids of it and need to fulfill all the areas we lacked in , through this process we get to know who we are and who we came to be.

I came to love , give love and receive it. I came with understanding of self love embedded in soultruth. I came with understanding of pure unification with other souls to heal and grow and flourish is why we are in human form. I believe in eternal love and eternal love being experienced in human life.

We thrive on love , we pass on love.