Afterglow

For my brother 🙏💗😔💕….

Yesteday I had a client ask me to speak to a good friend of theirs who recently lost their son to suicide because she said “besides how wonderful I think you just are” (so humbled by this everytime she says it 💗🙏🫶🏻😔 truly my cup runs over 🙏)  “you have something , a comfort and understanding in your openness with all you’ve been through and how you can articulate it”.

And some people will receive it , some people will be uncomfortable with it and some people will mock and try to control it aka “shit on it” that’s how humans are  … I was an extremely shy introverted child and teen, silenced by all the things around me , the horrific behaviors and cruelty and shame of it at same time. I found beauty in all the moments of love I could latch into that visited my life and ingrained them in my mind to combat my everyday.

My father tried to call me a few years back and tell me to NOT post pictures of MY MOTHER AND BROTHER 😶 they tried to silence me ONCE more … because apparently they “belonged” to “him” and only him, that’s the reality of narcissism; it makes the narcissist believe they own the world and everything is there to serve them , feed their  ego and emptiness.  He wanted to silence the words that came with the photos, the truths he couldn't deny so he didn't even acknowledge them. It was this denial and in turn inability to heal that destroyed my brother.

What creates a narcissist is also tragic … it comes from a severe need to protect oneself from cruelty and trauma in child self and they get stuck there as the victim even when they become a victimizer.

So  I won’t be silenced and it’s just the beginning of the afterglow of my healing journey and my new reality as hindsight is 20/20. Not meant to hurt anyone but add to my healing and those who need/relate and need to hear 🙏💗…. and as long as I can free my voice  and it adds comfort to others I will keep doing it, because it first gives me comfort first and foremost 🙏💗 .

When you silence your soul you will eternally suffer and never ever heal 🙏💗🫶🏻

So after I left my client I walked a block or so and my phone dinged … I stopped to check and when I looked to my right there it was “OHM 312 W 11th Ave” at the building where my brother’s soul left this world 10 plus years earlier and I hadn’t been there since that fallen day … and I felt healed and loved and heartbroken” all in one moment of this recognition💔💗🙏…. I Love you so much my most beloved baby brother and I know you were and are always my eternal protector 💗🙏